Calling The Cops: 45 Food Fails That Should Be Considered Crimes Against HumanityBy Farah J
Cooking is one of the most innovative and fun hobbies that bring out multiple flavors in your personality. There are certain combinations in the recipes that travel all around the world without someone cringing at them or listing them as the best food fails.
However, when you stand in your kitchen excited to go all in for the creativity and new inventions of food recipes, there is a very thin line between amazing and shocking food combinations that you always need to keep an eye out for. Otherwise, prepare yourself for rotten tomatoes! Pun intended.
Take a lesson from someone else’s mistakes and try not to force people’s bile out of their guts by making them watch your horrific culinary crimes. So, before you pick up your spatula, let us take you down the road of the best of the worst food fails that are no lesser than a crime to our food lovers!
All images are courtesy of F***ed Up Looking Food on Twitter.
Cookies are everyone’s favorite baked goods. No matter if you eat them straight out of the oven, let them cool down before savoring them, or if you like to dip a warm cookie in a glass of cold milk, cookies are the heavenly yum no one can refuse.
So, whenever we hear about baking cookies, we imagine chocolate, Nutella, peanut butter, or even cream filling them. Imagine taking a bite out of perfect-looking cookies, and the taste of spam meat burns your tongue! These surely are “spookies” as well as “pukies.”
They call it “canned chicken”; we call it “puked chicken.” We are one hundred percent sure that no one can guarantee if the chicken wasn’t wholly swallowed first and puked in the can after. Or if it is simply someone’s digested food in a can.
Also, we are actively going to ignore the fact that the can says that the chicken is fully cooked. The chicken looks like it was puked not once but twice. Poor little chicken, what did it ever do to these manufacturers to deserve this humiliation?
A gallon of puke
Have you ever wondered what it is like to scream by just looking at an image? Well, here is a little gift from us; we did not want to go through this food torture alone. Whoever thought of this and whoever helped them turn their ideas into reality committed a criminal offense!
First, they had the nerve to make a potato salad with only potato and cream. When this was not enough, they liquified it and put it in a gallon-sized bottle, and sold it in a supermarket! If anything, the insides of this bottle look nothing less than a gallon of puke!
Pasta for Halloween
There are probably a million ways you can make “scary” looking food for Halloween with different ingredients and creative ideas. You can make cookies or cupcakes and add different cartoon toppings to them. You can also make a cake and shape it like a scary ghost or a pumpkin.
Whatever you do, please don’t take pasta and turn it into a dish that can traumatize the diners for the rest of their life! This misery pasta, with a face of a horrifying man, is giving us the creeps. Who would even dare to cut the face in half?
A Jell-O mess
You know, when someone who is not huge on food creativity pops up in the kitchen out of nowhere to show off their innovation skills, their first go-to is usually Jell-O. Since you can put anything in liquid Jell-O, you can go above and beyond with it.
But watch out for the worst creative disasters that come along with this food ingredient. For someone who has never been in the kitchen before, you may end up doing something like this: a hot dog and pickle meat jelly! Needless to say, it looks like a decomposed mess of a Jell-O.
Not chicken, but it tastes like it!
So, in today’s episode of “what is it that you are selling?” we will announce the best of the worst wrapped-up foods that you can only buy by reading the descriptions on them. Here we go: this item says that it doesn’t know what it is, but it sure tastes like chicken!
Well, we guess we don’t know what we are going to be served here, but whatever it is, it would taste like chicken. So, we shouldn’t worry much, right? Even if it is unhygienic donkey meat they are serving, we should be “Bon Apetit-ing” our way into it, we suppose.
Boiled rice and curry are one of the most loved combinations all over the world. It is basically an Asian recipe, but due to an obvious reason – the impeccable taste – it is eaten worldwide. While the curry is usually a bit thick and yellowish, this recipe at least got one thing right.
The consistency of the curry looks savory and almost perfect. But did they really have to make it blue and call it Sonic Curry? For real? Even if they got the curry on point, the blue color makes it look so disgusting and puke-inducing that we can’t simply ignore it and have to move on!
Herring or gator?
Have you ever opened cans thinking that you will have boneless, half-cooked, or even slightly mashed pieces of meat or fish in them – and it would definitely be toothless? Yes? Well, we are sorry to burst your little bubble of trust in canned goods.
If we were the ones who opened this can, thinking that we would be rewarded with herring meat, chances tell us that our screams would be heard in the next neighborhood over. This looks more like a gator meat soup than a canned herring. Why is herring canned in the first place?
Donuts and spaghetti noodles are supposed to be two separate dishes with two different presentations. Both of them are so mouth-watering we believe that no one can resist either. Donuts and spaghetti are the yums we need to keep going in this criminal world.
However, no matter how much you love the two, you don’t think of them together as “dou-ghetti,” do you? Well, someone did, and now we have this picture that has left us speechless. We don’t know how to feel about this. Spaghetti looks so good, but we can’t say we want it doughnut style.
Food for a hike
When we go for a hike or fishing, or simply camping in the nearby woods, we prefer canned goods instead of food in open bags or baskets. Canned goods last longer, and there are fewer chances of them getting eaten by the wildlife around us.
This was probably the thought of the person who came up with a canned cheeseburger. “Even if you are in the woods and wish for a cheeseburger, worry not! I got you covered! Here’s your cheeseburger in a can!” Thanks, but no thanks.
Summer food for animals
Popsicles and ice cream are typical summer foods. Whether it is a popsicle stand by the side of the road or your mother making popsicles at home on a hot summer day, we are there for both in any flavor at all.
Never have we ever thought about what it would be like to make special popsicles solely for our pets. Since they love meat, why not make meat popsicles like these “chicksicles“? Because this is something meant for animals, isn’t it?
Fifty shades of messed up
We can’t exactly tell what the thought or creativity is lying behind this recipe – do we even call it a recipe or is that just a cringe kitchen crime? We have a load of questions we aren’t sure how to ask or where to start.
Especially with the recipe book in the background named “fifty shades of chicken,” we aren’t sure if we even want to start asking questions from its quite innovative creator. This picture is just fifty shades of messed up – maybe even more.
Who doesn’t love pizza? No food at home? Order a pizza. Midnight cravings? Pizza. Can’t decide what to eat? Pizza. Breakfast? Leftover pizza. Sleepover with friends? Pizza, pizza, pizza. It is an all-around food item that we can never get bored of.
Well, this is a mental image that we didn’t think we would get to see in real life. If this person got huge chicken bones in his pizza, we guess we shouldn’t be too shocked by these other kitchen failures.
Fried chicken wings are our all-time favorites. When we order fast food, especially burgers and fries, we make sure that fried chicken wings are on the list. If there is anything children would enjoy eating, it’s nuggets and chicken wings.
So, why not make chicken wings fun for children and dye them in the color of their favorite cartoon characters? Good idea, right? Well, it would be unless you are aiming to dye your mouth forever in the color of SpongeBob with this amount of food coloring.
Sushi usually isn’t very cheap. So, sometimes, we have to create things at home while we are on a budget. This picture is an example of eating sushi on a budget. We wouldn’t call it sushi, though. It is a fish-shaped nugget on a block of rice – call it Fushi!
Honestly, we wouldn’t list this little thing as a culinary crime. This is pure creativity with no harm done to anybody. You can simply pick up the nugget, cut it in half and eat it with rice. It’s meat, after all. Although we would prefer real sushi, this isn’t too bad. It’s rather cute!
Double Oreo burger
This looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. Well, if it already hasn’t happened after seeing this picture, that is! If anyone ever told us to combine meaty triple-layered cheeseburger and Oreo cookies with melted cream, it would either be a punch or be punched.
When we imagine a juicy, saucy, double-decker cheeseburger with dripping sauce and melted cheese, we don’t mean dripping and melted cream from Oreo cookies! This is such a disaster; we aren’t sure if we hate Oreos in a burger or a meaty burger with Oreos.
One thing for the food “innovators”: keep your hands away from Oreo cookies when you decide to make a new creative recipe. Scraping the cream off of Oreo sandwiches is one offensive thing, and then filling them with random stuff, especially fruit, is another.
Two criminal offenses on top of one another are happening here in this image. The third one is the choice of filling between the Oreo sandwich biscuits: guacamole, avocado, and random gooey stuff that nobody likes seeing in between cookies!
Pepto hot dog
This is what happens when you are prone to stomach problems but still want to eat junk food, meat, and anything that gives you a stomachache. You dip the whole thing in Pepto Bismol, hoping that it wouldn’t hurt as much. Eat, live and laugh, right?
Wrong. If you crave a meaty, juicy hot dog so much, you eat it as it is and drink Pepto or any other stomachache medication after you have swallowed the whole thing. Pepto is not a sauce – you don’t directly dip stuff into it! How do you even get yourself to eat pink sausage?
“Do you want sushi or pizza for tonight?” “Yes.” Either this pizza was ordered by someone with social anxiety, someone who finds it difficult to order food in restaurants, or this restaurant chef’s creativity was a total flop leading to this heck of a combination.
Sushi plus pizza equals sushizza. We can’t think of anything worse than this name – or the food. The meals don’t look as if the chefs didn’t know what they were doing; we all know it was done on purpose, and this isn’t helping their case.
I scream… you scream… everybody screams. Even those lobsters would be screaming if they weren’t dead. At least we are hoping they are dead and not stuck in an ice cream topped with everything on it. If they weren’t dead before, they sure as heck would’ve died after seeing this!
What even is this combination? Ice cream with dates and fruit bits in it, topped with a huge amount of whipped cream, with three full lobsters and a peeled mango put on the top with mango cubes around it…they call it ice cream; we call it i-scream.
Round or square?
Have you ever noticed how food businesses work? They bring out new shapes and sizes – add a “variety” – to the original item they had been selling previously to attract the customers to buy their new goods. This mostly happens when creativity hits rock bottom in business people.
This picture is a perfect example of when you are out of creative ideas for your food business: you bring out a round version of beef and macaroni for those who are too mainframe for square foods. They did a pretty great job at the descriptive advertising on the sticker, though!
We don’t know if you know or have ever heard stories of pregnant people and their weirdest cravings during their pregnancy, but let us warn you: you would be weirded out to your core. From rubber or chalk to eating pickles or drinking pickle water, we have heard everything.
This, too, seems like some pregnant person came up with this food recipe. Dipping a whole pickle in melted chocolate and eating it like ice cream is not something that we would like to be served, even if we are starving.
There are awful-looking foods that make you run to the bathroom or make you lose your appetite. Then there are foods that are so beyond awful that it is hard to tell from the picture if it is the before or after of someone eating that “innovative” dish.
Let us show you the perfect example of a perfectly confusing disaster that happened somewhere in the world, and now we are questioning what we did to deserve to witness this. Beans on a pizza (bizza) look like someone’s insides are served on this platter.
Fruity chicken wings
When chicken wings came out (the best food invention ever), we didn’t know that people had the “creative” capability of destroying this heavenly dish as well. Especially by covering the whole thing in fruity breadcrumbs! Why would someone do that?
Sure, parents don’t want their children to eat junk as it is, so they brainstorm the ways they can make their kids eat some “healthy” snacks indirectly. If this was the reason behind this atrocity, we would only say one thing to you: this is not healthy, and it is definitely not pretty.
Leche de rata
There’s no way this is real. There’s no way they took milk from twenty-two rats, boxed it, and sold it in a local supermarket! Why would anyone think of drinking rat milk? Forget that; why would anyone milk a rat, for rats’ sake?
We see various kinds of milk brands on the racks in grocery stores selling milk from different farm animals. Some prefer goat milk, some go for cow milk, etc., but never have we ever thought someone would willingly buy rat milk!
Evil tooth fairy
Nothing can top ranch-flavored food – especially the ranch sauce that comes with fast foods. The sour and savory taste can leave you thirsty for more. However, when we talk about ranch-flavored food, we do not mean for you to bring your crazy food ideas to the table!
It looks like we were too late to stop people from giving in to their wild creativity, and here’s the result: ranch-flavored gummy bears. No matter the flavor, these look like what the tooth fairy later does to children’s teeth. So, it’s a huge no!
Vegan meatballs or a sick cat’s poop? If you were to ask us without telling us what this is, we definitely would have gone with the latter. There’s no way we would have been able to guess that it was meatballs. These seem like a pile of poop to us!
This looks like something our sick cat would make when she is having stomach problems! Sorry, not sorry. We would add “no offense” here, but honestly, whoever made this should take full offense. Even vegans would not want to stay vegan after this.
Food coloring crime
There are rainbow-loving beings all over the planet. Not going to lie, but we all have had a “rainbow phase” where we used to buy rainbow-colored stationery, eat rainbow-colored cereal and add rainbow frosting on cookies and cupcakes, right? No? Okay.
However, there’s always a limit to doing everything, you know. You can bake a layered rainbow cake if you want rainbow colors so bad, but stop putting food coloring in mac n’ cheese! Someone, please take food coloring away from this food-coloring criminal.
We love good cereal in the morning. A quick breakfast without any fuss of turning on the stove and frying eggs and bacon. You simply take a bowl, add the cereal directly from the box, add milk, and ta-da! Your breakfast is served. Unless you spill the milk, there is no mess.
But have you ever thought of adding raw onion bits to raw milk in a bowl when you are out of cereal for breakfast? No? Don’t worry. There’s only one person who has ever done that, and the whole world is now after them for their brutal culinary crime.
When you are on a diet, you usually avoid eating sausage, meat, etc., so your next go-to is fish. And the closest thing to fish that you are most likely to enjoy is sushi. So, why not add sushi to sausage and make it a nice combination, and enjoy while this lasts, right?
Wrong. No, wrapping a sausage in a sushi mixture doesn’t make it any healthier or less yummy! This is wrong. Sausage stuffing is usually breadcrumbs or meat, so stay in that lane instead of making your new recipes that look terrible on a dish!
Sopa de legumes (vegetable soup) makes sense and probably would be worth tasting. However, our question is, why create this horrendous dish called Sopa de sushi (sushi soup)? Why would anyone be willing to make a fish soup with sushi bits in it?
Winters are incomplete without soups. From chicken to veggie soups, we love them all. But this “all” doesn’t include soupshi! The fish soup was never on the list, is not there, and will never be! We can’t believe we have to stand up for the rights of sushi and soups!
Dish of depression
Take us to the hot dog stand by the corner of the block, or get us a bunch of fries from the truck on the side of the street; we would call it a nice, friendly date. But, please, whatever you do, don’t take us to this supermarket that sells depression for money.
If depression was a dinner dish, this dry and old hot dog and fries in a Styrofoam packet would be it. We would rather sleep on an empty stomach at night rather than eat this dish of depression. No one would willingly pay to buy a depression package for dinner!
3 in 1
Where are our peanut butter/jelly sandwich lovers? We can bet a zillion dollars that you are as mad at this entry of a third party in the traditional peanut butter jelly sandwich as we are. This PB – J sandwich is going to be the death of us, and not in a good way.
The addition of brisket bits as the middle layer of the sandwich is simply brutal and unbearable. It may look nice to you – a very slight chance of that happening, but still – however, don’t judge the book by its cover, people. Brisket with jelly is not something you want to taste.
Inverted spam cookies
Do you remember when we listed cookies filled with spam meat earlier in this very list? Well, the torture once was not enough; therefore, someone had to offend cookies even more and make an inverted version of that macabre recipe.
We feel as if they did this just to spite us: make a cheeseburger (meat patty and cheese), but instead of burger buns, they put chocolate cookies as the sandwich wrap! If this is not a criminal offense to the cookies as well as the cheeseburger ingredients, we don’t know what is.
For this one, you need to remember those times when you were super hyper and high on life – almost like an episode of mania – and you bounced into the kitchen excited to make your signature dish for the first time.
Does this or does this not remind you of the embarrassing times of your life in the kitchen when you compared yourself to Gordon Ramsey and took this out of the oven? The amount of peanut butter and pickles in one slice is enough to give us a lifetime of acne.
If a picture could cause diabetes, this dish would take the lead. Spaghetti noodles soaked in Nutella sauce – and by soaked, we mean literally covered all over in Nutella sauce, and not simply topped with it – are making us go have our diabetes checked.
We understand that Nutella is something that tastes good with anything. It has that kind of universal power, like potatoes, that it can be eaten in any form. Same case with spaghetti. But why not put a small quantity of Nutella on the pasta and carefully enjoy the meal?
If you have ever eaten those soft, chewy, fruity-flavored fun little bean-shaped gushers, we would like to give you a heads-up. You should be warned before you go ahead with this horror of a recipe that has the capability of leaving people in mental agony for their entire lives.
So, gushers inside pickles…have you ever felt more tormented than this by simply an image of what’s supposed to be food. We have seen some horrendous recipes so far, but this one takes the trophy. The colored, fruity insides of a sour pickle are unbearable.
Hot and cold
If there is any recipe in this list that makes absolutely no sense, it is eating chicken-flavored ramen noodles with chocolate and vanilla ice cream and Oreo cookies. This recipe is one huge mess of hot and cold, soft and hard, juicy and crunchy, and slurpy and chewy.
What, even? We don’t even have words for this. What was this person even thinking when they decided to take out an ice cream tub from their freezer and side it with slurpy chicken noodles? Oreos are just the cherry on top we don’t want to discuss.
We didn’t know that Pepto was such a big deal in the world of culinary crimes. And why would we know this piece of information? When they said, “ignorance is bliss,” they must be talking about this crime. We miss the time when we were ignorant about this.
Imagine you are making pasta, adding some delicious sauces and vegetables, and then you pour a bottle full of Pepto Bismol in there on purpose. What? You just vomited your pasta out after imagining this? Yes, we saw it coming too.
Our throats are all clammed up after seeing this horrifying crime in a kitchen. Clam chowder is one of the most insanely good dishes that is savored all around the world. The chowder soup itself is mouth-watering. But this is just too much.
After the addition of clams and veggies, the original dish reaches the divine level of ‘good.’ So, we understand this person’s obsession with clam chowder, who made a popsicle out of it. But why make a popsicle when you can enjoy the thing as it is?
When people ask us if we want to go get ice cream, we jump up from our beds, put on our shoes, and are seen standing by the main door before they can say, “let’s go.” But if they were to bring us here in the name of ice cream…
Well, it is sufficient to say that they won’t be seeing our faces ever again. What even is this? This doesn’t even look like ice cream. More like some mashed stuff. Also, why mash a fish into ice cream for a new flavor in your store? This is despicable!
This is an excellent example of why we don’t boil bacon. If you have ever wondered why your parents are always frying bacon but simultaneously boiling potatoes (to make mashed potatoes), this might, or might not, be the answer to that question.
We can tell you gagged at the very first sight of this dish. This looks more like boiled bile that came up someone’s throat after seeing this cringe-worthy food fail in a dish. Please take the potatoes out, at least!
Banana in sushi style
We can picture the behind-the-scenes of this disaster: someone starting to make sushi at home, and someone else enters the scene and informs them that there is no fish. Now what? Here, take this banana and roll it in rice.
Not pretty enough? Well, let’s add some colorful sprinkles and make it look like this recipe wasn’t made on purpose; rather, it was an accident. Make it look like we didn’t know what we were doing. Preposterous! Though we wouldn’t be surprised if vegans were okay with this idea.
When you hear “America” and “food fails” in the same sentence, you instantly know that you are in for a huge shock. Since you expect the worst of all food crimes, you are more likely to endure it headstrong. This is the same situation.
So, here we have tater tots with American cheese but make them air fried. All three of these things can easily manage to be delicious on their own. Why put them together and create a drunken mess single-handedly? We honestly have no words to describe what our eyes are looking at.
Even just a mental image of some rich, heavenly goodness of banana bread is enough to make us drool with pleasure. This mouth-watering holy food is a special divine selection, and no one can deny that. This world is complete now.
Alas! The human race in this world can be so insensitive and maddening sometimes. Someone put Mountain Dew on a piece of banana bread (bad) and then had the audacity to name it “Shrek Glaze” (worse)! On top of that, they continued to post this absurd idea online (worst).